Palestinians and Jews for Peace, finding a just cause in a polarised world, and how I’m taking care of myself
October was not OK.
Like many, I was deeply emotionally shaken by the events unfolding in Israel and Palestine. And like many, due to the onslaught of conflicting information online, I felt confused about the appropriate ways to react, even though the horrific loss of human life, especially those of children, demands our immediate and clear positioning on the matter. All of this made everything feel even more pressing, and at times I felt mentally nauseous.
To top it off, I was back to doom scrolling on news platforms and social media, which is something, as you may remember, I didn’t want to be doing with my life any longer. I really rather liked my life (mainly) analog life, focusing on things that enrich me, like reading, language learning, playing keyboard etc. So having all my time sucked away by the virtual world exacerbated the guilt and shame and hopelessness of it all.
But have no fear: I decided to forgive myself.
Because this sh*t is really hard! Life exists in contradictions, constantly. And when I look back now from a much better place, I’m OK with the fact that I’ve sacrificed a month’s worth of my psychological comfort in order understand people in impossible amounts of pain.
(Also I have really caring friends who checked in on me when I wasn’t feeling well. Shout out to you ❤️)
When there is a major social, political (spiritual?) crisis unfolding in the world, of course I would want to turn to the source where I will most likely find ways to help and get active — and there are, unfortunately, very few options beyond this except Instagram or Twitter. Please, somebody out there, feel free to prove me wrong because this is a conundrum that is beyond my bandwidth of problem-solving lol.
And ultimately, it is through my social media use that I stumbled upon the Cologne-based pro-peace activist group, Palestinians and Jews for Peace, which felt like the first hopeful light in all of this darkness.
Their position is clear and speaks to everything that I feel inside but don’t know how to express with even a modicum of coherence. I encourage you to read it, as I believe it to be an important voice that we need right now; a voice from the Israeli, Jewish and Palestinian diasporas that champions peaceful negotiation over violence, and shared humanity over the measuring of deaths.
“Something to think of: Hamas is not the same as the Palestinians and the Jewish people are not the Israeli government. Don’t make people responsible for the actions of their (mostly not) chosen political leaders. Murdering innocent people is never okay. ”
It is a position I most align with, so if you were curious about my opinion, there it is! And before you think, “Oh no, not another passive peace group” — I believe very strongly that this isn’t one of them; furthermore, I believe it is a group that dares to think beyond the binary of endless violence and permanent status quos.
It was with this first outlook on hope I’d felt in weeks that I attended their pro-Peace protest last Sunday, November 19, in order to hold space for their voices and show them my support.
I did not manage to prepare a sign, but luckily I got to borrow one being handed out by the coordinators, which made me feel even more in solidarity with the cause. Why bring my own sign when I could simply — literally — lift up their message, then pass it on to someone else to hold?
Even though we were a relatively small group in comparison to the big protests we’ve seen this year (estimated 2000 - 3000 attendees), I could not help but feel something special in the air as we walked the streets of Cologne together. I went alone, but I did not feel lonely.
I remember a girl who, just like me, had been given a sign at the beginning of the march that said “Make Hummus not War.” We barely spoke a word to one another, but in my head we were united, and every time I felt a little disoriented in the crowd, I’d ask myself “where’s my hummus ally?”
People asked me what “Ceasefire” meant — “Waffenstillstand,” I’d duly reply. A lady complimented my upper body strength for holding up my sign for that long (I’m not that strong but for a just cause I’d endure a lot, I guess). And just before I left, I complimented another lady on her button, and then she gave it to me: it says Omas Gegen Rechts — “Grannies against right wingers.”
Finally, in confronting my anxiety around politeness and people-pleasing, I would like to note: I am aware that not everyone will agree with me — either I’ve said too little or haven’t gone hard enough or somewhere in between — and I’m OK with that.
I’m able to say that because I’ve been with my community and refilled on much needed self-belief, and not only that, I just spent an entire month listening to different perspectives, and exhausting my intellectual and emotional energy trying to understand a geopolitical situation about 4000 kilometres from my home. I also have faith that there are way more people who share common ground than we realise, but that they are just too scared to speak out because it’s the loudest and most extreme voices spreading misinformation that tend to garner the most attention. That doesn’t necessarily make them right, though.
I did the best I could with what I have, in order to reach a conclusion that is as one-sided and biased towards humanity as I can possibly get: all lives are precious, each death is one too many, and we need a solution that’s better than all of the ones we’ve had before.
As for now I would like to return to some stable and consistent offline-ness in my life. I say this selfishly for my own peace of mind, but also because I have an inkling that being in broken bodies cannot fix the world. Or that thing Audre Lorde said.
I would like to be OK so I can show up for the long haul, and we can hopefully bring about some much needed change together.
For context on Audre Lorde’s quote: Reclaiming Audre Lorde’s Radical Self-Care by Kathleen Newman-Bremang